The second I start to look up to someone, down they fall.

I don't get it. Do you feel the same way winning even after you know you doped? Is it possible for a person to get the same satisfaction? Or are they racing purely for fame and financial gains and are completely uninvested emotionally?

Disheartening to say the least.

I've been lacking all motivation to be on the bike this week. I haven't ridden for four days. I don't know what it is. I feel fine. The legs are good. The weather's great. I just can't bring myself to get out and ride.

I think I might just stop watching the Tour and following pro cycling in general. Maybe then the desire will return. At least on the amateur level it is still pure. When a person's bike is more expensive than their car, when there are four racers and gear crammed into a toyota carolla, when the only thing you eat after a race is PB&J, because you can't afford to eat out and pay for gas, then you know the racing is for real.